Last night I was reminded of the things I gave up to do Mission Year. I had sort of been saying and thinking that it wasn't a big deal and that being where I'm supposed to be is enough.

It hurts so much to deny the things that you want and love. I remembered that the reason I gave these things up is so I can have the best opportunity possible to directly share the love of Jesus with others.

I was encouraged to see the hand of God in my life. He is so good.

How Racism Hurts My Bike.

Pardon me if this seems too basic, but racism SUCKS.

I hope that's an obvious thing that does not need much elaboration, but here's what got me going...

To lay the ground work:
I'm of the belief that racism in the United States (and most likely everywhere else...) is institutionalized. I recently had to write a paper for the Theology of Poverty class on where I saw racism in my neighborhood. Let's just say that I had a difficult time keeping it short enough for the paper guidelines. I said that racism isn't something that one really sees as much as it's something that we experience; whether on the top or bottom, and whether we know it's happening or not. My thesis or whatever read... "Racism is not really something that affects or influences life on the West Side, it is life, it is just how things work." I went on to explain several (not all, that'll be an ongoing/potentially lifelong process) of the areas in which I see racism. Today I found another one...

The streets are in lousy shape. Unless it's like a really major street, like Madison, you can expect to find plenty of potholes and cracks that certainly have bottom priority of getting fixed as opposed to some North Side neighborhood. I'm thinking the potholes will be there until the neighborhood is completely gentrified, because then they'll HAVE to fix them (I mean, you can't have white folks driving/parking on potholes!? Can you...?). It was and is the same way around Temple in North Philly. The neighborhood streets that surround campus are all torn up, but on campus they're pretty close to flawless. (For the record, I think Temple does a lousy job of advocating for the neighbors that live around them, and actually contributes to the problems, but that's a whole nother issue.)

I felt this mess in a painfully direct way today. It was the first 70+ degree day in Chicago in 178 days according to the Tribune. This means Jordan rides his bike to work because he couldn't ride in the snow/ice/mayhem all winter. Unfortunately, not only was it crazy windy out, but the street is just all cracked and split everywhere. Try fighting the wind, drivers that ignore/don't care about/loathe you, AND potholes that'll be here longer than me. Let me assure you it was quite the time.

Look. I know that there are potholes everywhere. I know that they're unpleasant everywhere. But I'm willing to bet a large sum of money that I don't actually have access to that the affluent potholes get fixed before they do on the West Side because they're affluent potholes. And that, to say the very least, sucks.

That's not a real bet by the way... (Because I don't have money, not because I'm not sure of what I said. Know what I mean?)

Peace.

P.S. The morning after I typed this, an article was printed in the Chicago Tribune about the allotment of $4.5 million to resurface Lake Shore Drive. Not surprisingly, it runs along the Lake (nice areas). The part where they're concentrating is on the North Side. Noteworthy. Check out the article here.

The Pharmacist.

When we pursue God above all else he blesses us.

The ways in which he does so are often different than what we consider blessings. But they're better. The love of God is the best thing anyone can experience. And he shares that with us when we seek him. I think it's impossible to effectively word what it feels like to experience his love first hand. When you're feeling it you know that nothing else matters.

The only thing I want in my life is to follow Jesus, experience his love, and share it with others. I probably want to reword that to say share it with others first, as I think that's one of the best ways (if not the best way) to learn about the love of God.

Last week Rusty and I took our friend/Breakthrough guest Mike to the airport. Mike moved to Alaska.

I've been praying that God would show himself to me in clear ways and that I'd be aware of these. He's answered my prayers. It's a beautiful thing to see his hand at work. Mike showed me Jesus in how he was real with me. He didn't hesitate to tell me what he thought about things, whether I wanted to hear it or not. He was a great guy to have around and will be sincerely missed.

Paint it Black has a song called "The Pharmacist" about pointless distractions...

The medicine cabinet's empty, there's nothing for my head. Inside I'm made of concrete, my eyelids fucking feel like lead. I'm feeling for a pulse, but it's no use. My head was screwed on tight now it's coming loose. And I've been to the bottom of a bottle or two; that shit just kept me down. I'm sick of shortcuts leave me on the fucking ground.

Don't get hung up on the reference to alcohol consumption, take it abstractly. That last line's the real kicker. Anything that isn't Jesus will not fill us. I'm tired of wanting things that are outside of God's plan for my life. They'll only serve as distractions.

I was reading in Isaiah this past weekend..."Do you not know? Have you not heard? The LORD is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth. He will not grow tired or weary, and his understanding no one can fathom. He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak. Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall; but those who hope in the LORD will renew their trength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint." (Isaiah 40:28-31)

Jesus, keep me from tripping over myself. Please don't let anything get in the way of me knowing and loving you.

Peace.